


what if the way we started made it something cursed from the start?

by thorinsoakenshielded



Series: come away to the water [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, the promised joel companion piece, title from BANKS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-26 18:57:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2662760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorinsoakenshielded/pseuds/thorinsoakenshielded
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>your love is a waiting game</p>
            </blockquote>





	what if the way we started made it something cursed from the start?

he doesn't dwell on it anymore. doesn't feel guilt. joel thinks it's twisted that way, he felt bad and now he feels nothing.

in the aftermath, his ring bores into him, the golden circle judging, knowing. ray doesn't notice. 

he loves his wife, he loves her, he loves her, he loved her, but now he's numb. she's everything he once wanted, funny, beautiful, perfect but that was once and once was a long time ago.

he knows how this going to end, he's seen it with his own eyes, but you know how the old saying goes, like father, like son. he remembers the night his mother found out, he and his brother were sat on the stairs, peeking through the spindles, watching as their parent's marriage fell apart with every glass of scotch. 

he was drunk the first time, his foresight as cloudy as a mancunian summer's day, it was reckless, he kissed and bit ray's body, not caring about the marks. not caring at all. she was out of town on business and that's the worst part, knowing that when she came home, she slept in the same spot ray cried out joel's name and came undone. 

he used to keep his ring on when they were together, a somewhat masochistic behaviour, as if it would tempt him to stop. what an abysmal failure that was clearly. actually maybe he didn't do it to tempt himself, maybe he did to tempt ray but again another cataclysmic failure. 

it was meant to be a one time thing, key word meant, but joel went to ray again and set off this on-going cycle of fucking and ignorance towards one another. they'd walk past one another, with secrets on their tongues and marks concealed. they don't say a word to each other. and that's that.

he always leaves before ray wakes up, leaving chicken scratch notes on the side table and a heavy weight in the atmosphere. he knows that if he stays too long, it'll be the catalyst to his downfall, all he sees of ray, aside from at work, is what he sees in his bed, red checked, curse flowing out of his mouth like a running tap and that's all he wants to see, he doesn't want hot coffee and buttered toast, he gets that from his wife, he doesn't want doe eyes watching his movements. he just wants what be knows.

he wonders if she knows, he tries so hard to hide it from her, but he can't help but think that she knows just something, but if she does, he's glad she doesn't bring it up. maybe that'll help it go away, not that he wants it to. it's too much a routine to give up.

leaving is the hardest, for everyone involved. joel hates and loves the way ray looks in the 5am dawn, he hates and loves the way his wife looks in the orange cast of the streetlights outside. but it's the best of both worlds, the light and the dark, the the guilt and the purity. and that's it really.


End file.
